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The mistaken identity of being Nice as being Good

The mistaken identity of being Nice as being Good

This post is about me expressing my thoughts about how the meaning of being a “Good Person” is misunderstood. If you’ve come here to read, welcome. If you want to see home decor, I have added some images so you are not disappointed. So let’s get into this.

How many times have we heard “good people are taken for a ride? or “Good people suffer the most!”.
No!
It cannot be that way. It shouldn’t be that way.

Most of the time being a good person is misinterpreted as being a nice person. Let me break it down for you.

Who is a nice person?
  1. Someone who is nice to everyone.
  2. Someone who doesn’t want to offend anyone by saying or doing something?
  3. Someone who doesn’t call out bullshit for others or themselves?
  4. Someone who doesn’t speak up against injustice.
  5. Someone who has little to no boundaries.
  6. Someone who doesn’t want conflict and will keep quiet to keep peace.
  7. Someone who believes you must be good to others no matter how they treat you.

These are the traits of a “Nice Person”. This is the definition of a martyr, not a good person.

And surprisingly a lot of nice people also
  1. Feel suffocated from within.
  2. Get taken advantage of.
  3. Feel they are not getting their due.
  4. Feel they are not appreciated enough for what they do.
  5. Don’t feel fulfilled.
  6. Ignore their needs, even when it bothers them, and do things for other people.
  7. Turn bitter.
Why is that so?

Well, it coz they mistake being nice to others as being good. You should be good to others, you must have compassion, you must be understanding, but it isn’t enough to have a good life. By being too mice, you are only enabling the people to take you for granted and continue to become entitled ass****s.

Being a good person means, being good to everyone including yourself. It is to bring out the good in you and others.

What you do for others, should not come with a selfish motive of getting something back, But it cannot be that you put up with arrogance and attitude repeatedly because you cannot say “No” or are afraid to call it out. Your actions speak volumes about who you are as a person, and if the other person or people involved don’t appreciate it or think they are entitled to it, you don’t need to put up with that shit.

Everything in life is a transaction, it’s a give and a take. It may not be something materialistic, it may be something else, like joy and fulfillment. Let’s say you are cooking a meal for someone and they have nothing nice to say about it, they find faults even when you know its not that bad. You invite them to your table once, they complain about the food, you invite them to your table a second time, they complain again, don’t invite them a third time. Your actions decide how the other person treats you. You think you are a good person and invite them a third time, and they complain again, you end up feeling miserable because you went out of your way to make a good meal and they dint change. While you are inviting and giving good meals, what you are taking back from that is anxiety, bad feelings, and bitterness caused by complaining.

According to you, you are being a good person, but what about being good to yourself? When a person does not appreciate what you do, why continue to do it at all? Don’t invite the person next time. If the person asks why he/she was not invited, have the courage to have a full-fledged clear conversation. “I invited you twice and you behaved a certain way, so I did not invite you the third time”. It can go two ways, the person can get defensive and accuse you of a bunch of things and the relationship goes sour – Great! you are at peace and don’t have to see this person ever again. Or, they realize what they have done, mend their ways and you have a better bond and a relationship for a lifetime. It’s a win-win for you.

By being nice to a person at the cost of your emotional well-being you are not being a “good person”, You are being foolish.

According to me, parents are the only people in the world that are irreplaceable and you should be eternally grateful. And no matter how much you do, you can never match what they did for you. And your relationship with yourself is the only thing that is permanent, everything else is temporary. Including yourself is other people’s life. You need to work on the relationship to be in other people’s lives, and they have to work to be in yours.

So here is my take on being a good person!
  1. Focus on being good to yourself first. The relationship that you have with yourself matters the most.
  2. Don’t be mean or rude to others.
  3. If someone is rude or mean to you, know that you don’t have to take it lightly. Walk away, and if it makes you feel better give them a piece of your mind. It’s not your responsibility to fix something you didn’t break.
  4. When you take up some task, do your best. If you can’t do your best, don’t take it up at all.
  5. Work in a way that you don’t intentionally hurt someone.
  6. Call out bullshit when you see it and if it affects the quality of your life. Point number 5 doesn’t apply here. If your calling out someone’s bullshit hurts them, too bad, they need to deal with the consequences of their action.
  7. Gracefully accept mistakes if someone calls out your bullshit. Make amends.
  8. When someone asks your honest opinion, be honest. Have other people’s best interests in mind when you advise.
  9. Know that you cannot be good to everyone and also be happy. So be ok with being the villain in someone else’s life, piss some people off, ruffle some feathers, burn some bridges if it keeps your peace.
  10. Appreciate the people who put an effort to be in your life, show them you appreciate them too.
  11. People will respect boundaries when you have them, they will walk all over you when you don’t. So have boundaries.

And most importantly get yourself something that no one can take away from you, a solid personality. Make people regret they messed up a chance of being in your circle!

P.s. I am not a psychology major or a certified life coach. My blog is my space to express myself, and by doing so, if it gives someone a new perspective or gives some comfort, why not?

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